


Pointless

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Annie isn't even in it but whatever, F/F, F/M, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, it's just angst, just thoughts mostly, okay don't judge me, you die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 07:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14869745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: You pine after Annie.Set around episode 35.





	Pointless

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a few months ago cause I had an idea, and it was just laying around my writing folder. So yeah.

Some would pass it off as a standard teenage romance, ending as a futile attempt at a "highschool sweethearts" happy ending to a wondrous fairytale. And maybe that was exactly what it was, maybe just on a slightly grander scale, seeing as this love may or may not have put humanity in an even more fucked position than it already had been. Hell, it could be that there was a Romeo and Juliet twist, where people died because two teenagers thought they could  have a fairytale ending. But this, in your mind, was more than such; what you had with the blonde titan shifter, it wasn't a teenage romance; no, it was a soldier's romance. A kind of romance where mere minutes were a long cigarette drag, addicting and smooth and slowly wrecking you. Days were a calm breath before a deep cascade; an italicized plunge to a silvery lake, where pure beauty would shatter you, ruin you. A soldier's romance turned every waking moment together into a grateful eulogy later on. It was heartbreaking; it was cliché, it was pure agony, and it was safe to say you were hopelessly in love with Annie Leonhardt.

Any remotely sane person, as Bertolt had put it, would have been heartbroken, maybe, when they found out the one to whom their heart belonged was on a mission to destroy humanity. Any person that had a lick of sense in their head wouldn't have vowed to follow that person to the ends of the earth; but hardly anyone could really say they had sanity in the slightest, when in love. And you, you were no exception. Therefore, the actions you'd taken to save your beautiful frozen queen from her crystalline prison were completely rational, in your mind, at least. And despite your friends trying and trying to distract you from your fragile state of mind that was only further crumbling. Armin had, of course, been the first to notice your mental absence. He had been a close friend of yours, so of course the ever-observant boy would notice. He noticed every detail; every faint, brief look of fury and agony every time someone badmouthed Annie. Noticed the fact that it was always you who volunteered to go with Hange to check her cryogenical state. That you spent an increasing amount of time with Reiner and Bertolt; even more so supporting his web of suspicions when they were suspected as possible Shifters.

You had to give him credit; yes, the boy was smart. He figured your angle, but just a fleeting moment too late, as the final steps of your several month long mission fell into place like puzzle pieces. Because, in your aching heart, the only thing that mattered was that you'd be able to finally see the girl you loved again; hold her, touch her. All the things that had been stolen from you by a flip of the coin called fate. Because, even though it sounded so incredibly irrational and stupid, you were prepared to throw down with the entirety of humanity, if need be. 

And so you did. 

Reiner had been halfway prepared to kill you. What good could come out of someone, even someone that vowed they were on his side, who knew about the secret? He had known betrayal and lies his whole life; you could just be another untrustworthy pawn, useless. But hell, you'd prove him wrong, you had told yourself. Because love can do that to a person, turn them absolutely insane. And after a rather heated argument with the blond boy - heated meaning you'd both been ready do draw your blades and shed blood in an instant - you finally, finally convinced him to hear you out. 

That was why, at this current moment at time, you were up in one of those godforsaken trees with a nervous Bertolt, an irritated Ymir, an angry Reiner and an even angier Eren. The poor boy looked halfway torn between tearing someone's head off and an utterly depressed 'I give up,' but that was none of your concern. The distant sounds of the advancing Survey Corp could be heard if you strained your ear hard enough, but not too close to where you needed to worry quite yet. Frankly, you'd have been just fine with using your perfectly good plan - wait until the scouts chased after the group like a dog would, then fetch Annie's crystal and go from then out, but no, part of the agreement was that you help get the Attack and Jaw titans first. Then the three of you would come back for Annie, and the Titan Shifters would help make up some bullshit excuse to make you an "Honorary Marleyan," whatever that meant. You still weren't exactly clear on the details.

You didn't expect to survive. You were certain you'd die trying, or, by some godly miracle, survive only to die on Annie's retrieval. By no means were you an idiot, there was almost a certain possibility of you perishing by a weary comrade, or be stepped on like a bug by a titan. With your current string of (awful) luck, Mikasa catch you and drag out your death, make it slow and painful because you'd helped kidnap Eren. Maybe she'd go easy on you. Point was, it was completely hopeless, just like absolutely everything else. 

Just thinking of it make your very being tremble with absolute terror, because it was pointless. But you had to keep fighting, through everything, because all you wanted was to see her again. 

"(Y/N) (L/N). Traitor of humanity." You could imagine it. The looks on your parents faces. The possible anguish a comrade would feel, striking you down. One of your past friends; the people you had loved and lived with for almost four years now. Would they still see you as human? Would they see you as a monster for siding with the enemy? 

It didn't matter. Not at all, because you were completely blinded by your love. It was unhealthy, yes, it was like a disease plaguing your sane thoughts, clouding your judgement. It was a horrible, horrible flu that you couldn't get rid of for the life of you, but secretly didn't want to. You wanted to keep this disease, keep it for the europhic feeling of the drugs that could hardly keep you okay. But you weren't okay. Neither was the world, you reasoned, but that meant nothing. Because like every other little unimportant thing, it was pointless. As long as you had love, everything was completely and utterly pointless. 

•

Somehow, in the fray, you had ended up, along with Bertolt and Eren, tucked safely - er, not so safely, considering the current situation - against the Armored Titan's chest. And you had been right; Mikasa was looking like she'd much enjoy to gut you right now, and she was growling at Bert to give Eren back. 

And then something unexpected happened.

Armin. The before mentioned blond with a quick mind and excellent mind skills. Only this time, he had a psychotic expression on his face. It somewhat reminded you of yourself; hell bent on something and willing to risk everything for it. For Armin, it was his friend. (Although his pure determination was making you question that a tad, but nevermind). For you, it was Annie. Oh, what was the saying? With great power, comes great insanity. Something like that.

"Bertolt. (Y/N). Reiner. You're okay with this?" Armin asked, and you tried to contain a laugh. He couldn't possibly be serious. This was more than okay. This was right. But then, he continued speaking. "Leaving your friend behind to face the music? I guess Annie was too much of a burden, so you abandoned her."

At the mention of your love, you tensed, like a nervous cat. What kind of awful game was this boy playing at? "She's way up north in the Utopia District. Being tortured."

Tortured? Annie? No, that was impossible. She was still safe and sound, suspended in time, in her crystal. Right? You glanced at Bert; he might've been wrong. They could've very well found a way to get her out. And you shuddered, thinking of them hurting her. 

"-Her body may heal, but her screams are an object of the capacities of human endurance. And don't worry, they're taking special care to make sure she doesn't die. Or get a moment's rest-"

That was it. You didn't give a single fuck whether you died, or screwed up the plan, or both. That was your limit. However, before you could get a single word out of how you were going to kill him, Bertolt had beaten you to it. The giant, always stealing your thunder. 

"Shut up hellspawn!" The normally neutral boy yelled, "I'll kill you!" And, of course, while he was distracted - while you both were distracted - Mikasa flew up behind Bert with her maneuver gear and cut Eren free. Upon this, you cursed, and did the only thing rational at that point. You used your own gear to chase after the angry brunet. 

Oh, of course you caught him. You weren't stupid, and like hell you were going to let an idiotic boy like Eren get in the way of your plans. But fate flipped the coin yet again, and either you had dreadful luck or instead of flipping the coin, fate was really just flipping you off. Not Mikasa, but the other stupid Ackerman - god, you really hated that family right now, but you were sure they could say the same thing about you - had you cornered. And what could you say, it was pointless. Everything was pointless, because in this horrible, cursed world, you knew you'd see your beloved sooner or later. So, with tears in your eyes and a tear in your heart, you pushed Eren aside (secretly hoping he'd fall off the edge of the titan's shoulder blades).

And then you jumped.


End file.
